Welcome to the forum James. Tomorrow when I have time I'm going go back and read all your post.
On the oral sex thing. Years ago an xjw I knew was telling me about a conversation he had with a woman who had left the witnesses. She had become a JW but her husband never did. In the early seventies when the WT said oral sex was wrong (I believe they said fornication) she refused to have it with him even though they both enjoyed it. This eventually lead to divorce. When he mentioned to here that the Watchtower had change their mind and now oral sex was a matter of conscience she broke down in tears because she was till in love with him and following the Watchtower had cost her her marriage.